Dame Stephanie Shirley CH - Thoughts and Memories

Working alongside Dame Stephanie “Steve” Shirley to establish Prior’s Court was not just a role — it was the most important and meaningful period of my life. I first met Steve in 1998 when she appointed me to become the founding Principal and CEO of a residential school she believed could transform education and support for children with the most complex forms of autism. From the outset she was astonishing — fiercely intelligent, deeply compassionate, endlessly curious, practical, funny, and utterly determined. There was nothing superficial about Steve; she asked difficult questions, absorbed every detail, challenged all assumptions, and inspired everyone who had the privilege of working with her.
During that first year, Steve and I travelled the length and breadth of the country, visiting schools and establishments so she could understand what provision already existed for children with autism. Wherever she went, she would immediately begin asking the most searching and intelligent questions — and before she left, she hadn’t just inspired people, she was already finding practical ways to help, connect and support them. She had an extraordinary gift for lifting people’s aspirations and helping them believe in what might be possible.
Steve didn’t simply fund Prior’s Court — she created it. She worked with me, the staff and parents on everything from the architecture to the curriculum, spent hours listening to families, and helped shape what became the Prior Methodology. Her expectations for all of us were profound and unwavering, grounded in her absolute belief in the potential of these extraordinary children. When we opened in September 1999 as a residential school with five pupils and twenty-seven staff, she stood proudly beside us — knowing this was only the beginning.
In 2000, she was overjoyed when Her Royal Highness The Princess Royal, Princess Anne, officially opened the school. I will never forget Steve saying with a glint in her eye: “If we dare to be ambitious for these children, they will surprise the world.” She was absolutely right.
Under her guidance, Prior’s Court quickly became a beacon — not just a school, but a catalyst that changed the lives of autistic children, their families, and professionals across the UK and beyond. Through her leadership, philanthropy, and fierce belief that nothing was impossible, she helped shift attitudes, spread innovative practice, and brought hope where there had often been despair.
Although I left Prior’s Court in 2010, Steve and I remained close. We met as colleagues and friends; she continued to encourage and support my work and took a genuine interest in my family. She had that rarest of qualities — the ability to make those around her more courageous, more thoughtful, and more compassionate.
My family and I are deeply saddened by her passing. Dame Stephanie Shirley changed the world — not loudly, but profoundly. She was a pioneer, a visionary, a tireless advocate, and a truly extraordinary human being. I will forever be grateful for the honour of working alongside her, learning from her, and sharing in her remarkable journey.
“We are judged by what we give — not by what we keep.” — Dame Stephanie Shirley

Dr Robert Hubbard OBE

Past Trustee at Kingwood and Principal and CEO of Prior's Court School (1998-2009)

We are deeply saddened to hear the news of the death of Steve Shirley, our son James was invited by Steve to share living at the “ Cuddy “ with her son Giles, thus it became the first Kingwood home. We will always be grateful for the tremendous support she gave us in those early years and how wonderful of her to devote so much of her life and personal resources to create Kingwood and other organisations that do so much for people with autism and other learning disabilities. We are amongst many who owe a great debt to her and are confident that the charitable organisations she created will be her long lasting legacy.

John and Paula Beville

Parents

It was a real privilege to be the Chief Executive of Autism at Kingwood and lead Steve’s first charity. One my greatest memory’s was my nervous tentative approach to Steve that we change the name from The Kingwood Trust to Autism at Kingwood. I took a big deep breath as I told her my thoughts and rationale, and I’ll never forget her response…. “you can call it zebra crossings for all I care Kate! Just keeping on providing the best care and support for autistic adults…” A truly wonderful lady, for whom I will always have the most enormous respect. Rest in peace Steve.

Kate Allen

Chief Executive, Ategi

I first met Steve was in 2006 as a member of the newly established charity Autism Speaks in the UK, which we rebranded a few years later to Autistica. Steve was deeply involved, attending staff meetings – mostly in a chilly Friend’s Meeting House in Henley, or if we were lucky, in her warmer home! A fantastic networker, she determinedly drove the reputation and reach of Autistica, bringing together specialist researchers, practitioners, people with lived experience, politicians and people of influence, at high profile events. Steve was astute, formidable and so very highly respected. But we saw a more personal side of Steve, and her generosity touched me greatly as she would invite the team to more social events, including hers and Derek’s anniversary dinner, and a social at Henley Regatta. After a gap of a few years, I started working at Autism at Kingwood. Here, our meetings were focussed on communications, and we would usually film at her house, or Steve would attend events. It was always a highlight when we met. At 91, Steve still possessed that sharp focus, to challenge, albeit with a softening that including an embrace! A child refugee to the UK, Steve was compelled to live ‘a life worth living’. She became a trailblazer on many levels; women’s equity, women in tech, autism supported living, education and research, and philanthropy. It is hard to think of anyone who has led such an impactful life with so much achievement. I am so proud to work at Steve’s ‘first’ charity, a charity that was so personal to her. I am proud to have contributed in some small way to Steve’s legacy.

Philippa Stannard

Head of Engagement - Autism at Kingwood

At 30, I became CEO of The Kingwood Trust (now Autism at Kingwood), a regional charity supporting adults with autism. That role brought me into the orbit of many extraordinary people—none more so than the indomitable Dame Stephanie Shirley. Steve (as she was known) passed away this week at 91. The internet is full of tributes to her extraordinary legacy as an entrepreneur, philanthropist, and champion for women and the autistic community. For me, she was all of that—and more. She was my colleague, mentor and sponsor. She was also demanding, uncompromising, and relentless in her standards. And that was her gift. She taught me resilience, the power of clear boundaries, and the courage to hold the line under pressure. She expanded my horizons and sharpened my leadership—lessons she recounts in her autobiography 'Let It Go'. Some of our greatest teachers are also our most challenging. She was the toughest – and most inspiring – leader I ever worked with.

Mary McGuire

Former CEO - Autism at Kingwood

I am heartbroken at the death of Dame Stephanie “Steve” Shirley, aged 91. I first met her in 1999, in the early days of establishing Prior’s Court School. She was a true force of nature – always striving to achieve more for autistic people and inspiring everyone around her to do the same. In those formative years, Steve often joined staff meetings, offering invaluable advice and insight from her perspective as the parent of an autistic child. Having lost her beloved son Giles the previous year, she was determined that everyone working for her charity understood just how vital parents and families are in the lives of autistic people. I was fortunate to spend 24 years at Prior’s Court, and even more fortunate to join Steve’s first charity, Autism at Kingwood, as CEO two years ago. Steve was delighted by the move, and challenged me to strengthen the links between Autism at Kingwood and Prior’s Court so that, together, we could support autistic people of all ages. That vision is now becoming a reality, and alongside Ryan Campbell, CEO of Prior’s Court, we are proud to be bringing Steve’s dream to life. Steve’s warmth matched her determination. When I last met her, she greeted me with a warm hug, held both my hands, looked me straight in the eye, and asked if I was happy and getting the support I needed to grow and develop Autism at Kingwood. She was an extraordinary inspiration: a child refugee from the Nazis; a pioneering businesswoman; a tech entrepreneur; the devoted mother of an autistic son; the founder of groundbreaking charities; a philanthropist, author, and captivating public speaker. She was truly one in a million – approaching everything she did with unwavering purpose, passion, and determination. It was a privilege to work with her, and an honour to learn from her. I will miss her greatly.

Sarah Butcher MBE

Chief Executive, Autism at Kingwood

As fate would have it, I came to support Giles at his home in 1991. Steve and her husband Derek used to visit Giles on Saturdays, and so my Saturday shifts meant that I got to know Steve very well. Apart from day to day matters we talked of many things, obviously my passion for art, which over the past thirty years was also Steve's passion as she formed a notable collection of contemporary art. Giles enjoyed working with crayons and art. So it was that we dedicated a spare room at The Cuddy to arts and crafts for Giles to participate in. Steve was very interested that I took my vocation very seriously and was always supportive of my career in the field. After Giles' death in 1997 I felt a sense of loyalty to her vision to continue supporting autistic adults and worked with a chap called Davey for twenty six years. Although I retired earlier this year, I volunteered in Davey’s final months of life. I admired Steve greatly; she lived an impressive life, and her work ethic was unmatched. She was a very public figure, but I was privileged to know something of the private person, who like all of us has struggles hopes and fears. In the years following Giles' death I remained friends with Steve and her husband Derek and visited them socially. She and Derek came to our wedding in 2003, and I often was asked to comment on works of art she had procured. She was excited to fill Priors Court School with top quality artworks. I still believe creative work can be a real outlet for autistic men and women, something Steve most certainly agreed with. Like any organisation Autism at Kingwood evolved as it grew. It became less like a small affair in Henley-on-Thames and something much bigger. I know this was Steve's vision, and that Kingwood should lead the way as a pioneer in both understanding and care. I spoke with Steve’s dear friend Janice who was with Steve when she died. She said to Janice "It is time to go now" and Janice though that meant that was enough of her visit, but no, it meant Steve's life was ending and her work was done. And, what a work it was. It was a privilege in my life to be considered more than an acquaintance by Steve and Derek; we moved in very different ways, but no matter, she never forgot those who were there for Giles. None of this would have been possible without many excellent colleagues over the years, and particularly during those years at Kingwood Common. What a life! Her legacy will without doubt live on.

Martin Beek

Former Support Worker